


Dukexiety Week 2020 Fills

by RonniRotten



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Blood, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Dukexiety Week 2020, F/F, Food, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, M/M, Magic, Minor Character Death, Misgendering, Multi, Pirates, Swearing, Swordfighting, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Violence, gore mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten
Summary: Day 1 - Halloween
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 86
Collections: Dukexiety Week 2020





	1. Spoopy Season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 - Halloween

Virgil was happy—too happy. It was the last day of September and he was practically vibrating the entire day. Patton was a little concerned but he was happy his bestie was happy. Janus was mildly annoyed but not terribly put off by the change. Roman was actually quite terrified of this joyful emo, he knew what was coming. 

That night, Virgil was alone in the common area, preparing. All the others were in their rooms and wouldn't come out until the next day. It was the perfect time to strike. 

"Woah!" Remus gasped, appearing on top of the fridge. The entire kitchen was completely different—the tiles were worn and cracked, the walls looked like they were oozing green goo, there were cobwebs in the corners, dark red and brown splatters on the counters, and a couple garlands of black and orange bats crossing the ceiling away from the stove and fan. 

"Get down from there! That's where I'm putting the cookie urns!" Virgil hissed up at him, kneeling by the fridge with a paint brush and two cookie jars made to look like urns. 

"Ooh, whose ashes?" Remus giggled and appeared next to him. Virgil proudly turned them to reveal the names "Talyn" and "Joan.” Remus squealed and kissed his cheek. 

"Now we can pretend to build a sandcastle!" 

"Not yet. I still have to get the common room decorated and set up the ground level fog and mess with the lights." 

"Can I help?" 

"Only if we skip the sandcastle and pull a Mary Shelley instead," Virgil said with a wry smirk. Remus' eyes went wide and he grinned maniacally. Virgil snickered and licked his cheek.

"I'll take that as a yes." 

"Yeah! Lemme see your plan so we can get to the fun stuff!" Remus said, bouncing on his haunches. Virgil willed the jars on top of the fridge and pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket. 

"Scare Bear," Remus hummed as he scanned the list, "Why are half of these in green and half in purple?" 

"That?" Virgil flushed, "That's because half of the ideas are yours. You have a knack for creepy creativity and I thought they'd work really well." 

Remus dropped the list and snapped his fingers. Virgil would have asked what just happened but he was tackled to the ground in a giant tentacle hug.

"Thank you! No one else uses my ideas like this! You're such a bittersweetie! I could kiss you! Or—" Remus rambled, ready to go down a much less wholesome path, but Virgil stopped him with a punch to the mouth—with his mouth. 

"Save that talk for the graveyard," Virgil hummed and twirled Remus' mustache around his finger, "and tell me what that snap was all about." Remus wiggled his eyebrows and scooped him up, putting his tentacles away.

Virgil let his own extra limbs out and scurried out of his grip. Remus shrugged and walked away, into the common room. Virgil followed, crawling on the ceiling because he could. 

He got one look at the room and fell, losing his grip in shock. Luckily Remus caught him and stuck out his tongue. 

"What do you think? I took a few liberties with the decor but I tried to keep it from getting too intense!" 

Virgil was in awe. The walls were like a live scene of an old graveyard on a drizzly foggy night. The carpet was dark green and all the furniture looked like mossy stone architecture and the lamp was an elegant iron street light. Even the TV was encased in a mausoleum shaped shelf! The lights were dim and hazy, almost dream like and the entrance was a decrepit-looking arch. 

"Babe, this is awesome!" Virgil gasped and dragged his tongue over Remus' cheek, slowly. Remus giggled and carried him to the couch, plopping on the stone slab and sinking into the cushions it was hiding. 

The clock on the TV read "12:00" and Remus couldn't help himself as he licked Virgil's nose. 

"Happy Halloween the first, Count Snackula!" he giggled, only to have his happy emo drag him by the hair into a heated kiss that left him giddy and breathless. 

"Happy Halloween, Swamp Thing," Virgil mumbled against his lips when they broke apart, "You spoil me." 

"I need you to get on my level, six feet under and embalmed!" Remus snickered and kissed his cheek. 

"Isn't being on your lap enough, you walking corpse?" Virgil jeered and listened to the ambient rain. 

"Walking corpse? This undead duke is trapped by a bootylicious spiderling! I might as well never leave my crypt again!" 

"So I'm dating a zombie, huh? You are a rotten kind of cute, and I get you all to myself without any webs." Virgil mused and straddled his lap, draping his arms around his shoulders.

"You can still use those webs now that we have a place to go all Mary Shelley!" Remus grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. Virgil snorted and kissed him again.

"Don't fall apart while we do. I'll use that to my advantage," Virgil teased. Remus huffed and pulled him closer by the thighs, making him yelp softly.

"If it falls off, you can keep it, like always. Just like my heart." 

"I know you're trying to get sappy, but I still have it in a jar in my room. It's fun to watch it beating." 

"Kiss me and feed my Frankenstein!" Remus responded roughly. 

"After what you just did for me, your Frankenstein better have a stuffing kink!" Virgil purred and captured his lips yet again. It was a wonderful start to the season!


	2. Grimm Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 - Fairytales

Virgil was tired. Ey wasn't invited to the grand celebration but eir siblings were. If a king and queen could invite their entire kingdom and 12 sages with fae blood, they could handle inviting em! Ey didn't care about not having the same fancy dishes and silverware, or sitting with the dutchess instead! But to find out that ey wasn't invited while that party was going on? They were going to have a bad time. 

Virgil walked through the forest, hiding eir purple hair and pointed ears under eir cloak's hood. Maybe cursing the princess was a little harsh, she was an infant and she didn't do anything wrong. But it wasn't a terrible curse, just a hundred years of sleep. 

Ey still felt icky about it, and ey needed to get to the one person who could get em to calm down, in his own special way. Remus was a unique case, a half-human witch with a wily disposition. He was never one to flinch at some of the more harrowing tales Virgil had, most of them involving some fae pettiness and anger. He was good at relieving tension and he was a support to Virgil when ey needed him. 

But as Virgil came upon the cottage, eir blood ran cold. The door was open with several bite marks littering it, and the same could be said for the walls. The candy decorations were torn away and missing, and ey didn't see any animals in the area. 

"Remus!" Virgil shouted and ran into the house, letting eir hood fly off. Ey needed to be sure eir partner was okay.

The cottage was a disaster! The furniture had been gnawed beyond repair and there were bits of wallpaper, torn and chewed, littering the floor. Virgil hated seeing the mess but ey had to find Remus. 

A loud bang came from the kitchen and got eir attention. 

Ey hurried into the only room without any edible furniture and noticed two things that were particularly strange. There was a giant iron cage on the floor by the table, and the back door was open. 

Another bang came from the oven. Virgil paled when they realized it was on. Ey hurried and opened the door, not sure what to expect, but certainly not what ey got!

Remus was fast asleep on the bottom of the oven, fire tickling his form. He kicked his leg out again, unaware that Virgil was even there. 

Until the sage grabbed his ankle and yanked him out of there. Ey tossed him to the floor and closed the oven, turning it off.

"Oof!" he grunted and rubbed his side, "Why'd you wake me like that, Virge? I was comfy!" Remus whined. 

"Because you were sleeping in an oven, an oven that uses your weird future-y magic." 

"Yeah, what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't open it!" 

"Then why were you in it in the first place!?"

"Oh, because kids are assholes! That's why I'm never gonna let any pop outta me!" Remus laughed and sat up, brushing off his flame-proof dress. Virgil slumped and skidded against the counter to the floor. 

"What happened?" ey groaned. Remus brightened and shimmied.

"Story time!" he cheered, "So after you left I was studying my spells and I was really getting into it, and then I heard a loud crack outside. So I went to check it out. And there were these two kids eating the gingerbread from around the front door!" 

"So that's why it looked like that, and I take it they trashed the living room too?" 

"Yup!" Remus wiggled his mustache, "And to think, I let them in to give them some real food! I turned my back to see what I could offer and they ate my stuff! I was still gonna get them something to eat that wasn't my house, so to keep them from destroying the place I put them in that cage." 

"And that was your first mistake." 

"Nuh uh! I told them to wait and not eat my home but they didn't listen. And while I was warming up the oven to make some pot pies, since I have stuff for that they escaped! And then the little girl called me an ugly old hag lady and pushed me in!" 

"Oh gods, Remus," Virgil gasped and grabbed his hand. Remus laced their fingers together and shrugged. 

"I'm lucky mom was a dragon witch, and that I make for an ugly lady. I make a sexy man!" 

"That you do. You make a sexy, sweet, warm, welcoming man who won't be mad at me for cursing a baby." 

"You what!?" Remus gasped with a grin, "Details!" He was so excited, Virgil had to roll eir eyes. 

"You know how I went to see Toby? Well turns out xe was at this big festival, invite only. The king in the next kingdom over was celebrating the birth of his daughter. Problem is, he invited everyone else in the order. Some human crap about the number thirteen. I was kinda pissed." 

"Of course you were!" Remus gasped, "Out of all of them, the one they snubbed was you! You don't snub a magical being without incurring some rage!" Remus shook his head and crawled into Virgil's lap. 

"So I showed up and was like, excuse me? And none of the others did anything to stop me or King Fat-Mouth. He said it was an invitation only event. The whole kingdom was there! Invitation my ass!" Virgil huffed and crossed eir arms.

"Are we talking about your ass now? Because I can go on about that beautiful booty!" Remus teased and wiggled his shoulders. Virgil rolled eir eyes and shook eir head.

"No, not right now. Anyway, he told me to leave and I wasn't welcome. I told him off," Virgil said with a hint of venom in eir voice. 

"Like you should've!" 

"And like all the others blessed the baby, right? So I gave my gift. It was so petty and so overdramatic. I cursed her to prick her finger on a spindle when she turns sixteen and then she'll fall asleep for a hundred years. But that wasn't enough. The whole kingdom gets to have some beauty rest too." 

"When she wakes up she's gonna want answers. I can only imagine how pissed off she'll be at the king!" Remus giggled and clapped, "Ooh that is a great curse!" 

"She's just a baby," Virgil huffed and wrapped eir arms around Remus.

"You didn't sign a death warrant, just extra sleep! It's not so bad! I think you need a good cuddle, some pot pie, and kisses before bed. You had a rough day." 

"You got your house eaten and you got pushed in an oven, and the brat misgendered you! And you're saying I've had a rough day!" Virgil scoffed and held him closer. 

"I mean I need those things too, but since I'm gonna be kissing and cuddling you, it works out. I also have to fix this cottage. Hey Scare Bear, do you think you could magic it back together?" 

"If I do I can't promise I'll make it gingerbread. I could make this place a castle and you want gingerbread?" 

"A castle, huh? That'd make me a king. If you make this place a castle, will you be my queen? Or whatever title you prefer. I'm not picky!" 

"You're a king to me already," ey jeered and kissed his cheek, "And I'll be your regent, sure." 

"Oh hush!" Remus snickered, "You just want to get me flustered and then I'll turn to goo and tell you how much I love you!" 

"Would you do that if you weren't flustered?" 

"I charge for that. One tongue tango for all the love I can give." 

"Guess I should say it then, for free. I love you, so much, my dragon king," ey hummed and kissed his cheek. Remus flushed and snuggled closer. 

"I love you too Scare Bear."


	3. Raid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 - Pirates

Virgil truly loathed being stuck on his father's ship. Nothing about being a merchant or marrying one was appealing, except for the sea. He hated being shoved aside and treated like a delicate flower, especially when he was the best fighter onboard. 

When the "Ano Jugoso" attacked he was not going to sit and cower in his room like his father wanted. The canon fodder was the first sign that he would have to fight. He had no time to change completely out of his dress into his preferred clothes, so he tore away his corset and ascended to the deck with his brother's old swords.

The few men on board were struggling to fight off the pirates who boarded from the ship keeping time with their own. They were wild and dirty and they overpowered the crew. Virgil had nowhere to run and next to nothing to lose. 

"Hey! Fuck off!" he snapped, getting two pirates to approach him. One was insignificant to him, the other had a smug grin under his groomed mustache and wickedly gleeful eyes. 

"Now I know why their ship floated our way!" the insignificant one laughed and relaxed his shoulders. Virgil sneered and tightened his grip. 

"Why's that?" mustache hummed.

"You know it's bad luck to bring a wo—" he began only to be run through the gut. Virgil was furious, blocking any attempted blows from either pirate with his other sword. 

"Finish that sentence, I fucking dare you!" Virgil growled and kicked mustache's legs out from under him, making him land on his back and drop his weapon.

"—bad luck—to bring—a wom—ARGH!" the pirate tried, only for Virgil to twist the sword and push it deeper. 

"It's bad luck to bring an idiot on board," Virgil hissed and ripped his bloody weapon from the bastard. He wiped his brow and panted, trying to control his rage. 

"It's bad luck to kill my quartermaster!" the mustache pirate laughed and got up, not in any hurry to fight, "Especially without proper introductions!" 

"I don't need to know the name of a dead man." 

"Well, how about mine? I'm Remus, captain of the Ano Jugoso! And can I get a name to go with those bloody boobs?" 

"Get fucked!" Virgil snarled and lunged at him.

"Only if you're planning on helping with that!" Remus cackled and parried the blow. Virgil, however, had two swords and went for the knees. Too bad Remus pushed him back and dodged that blow. 

"Dirty tricks!" Remus giggled and attacked with a grin, "I like it!" 

"Like I care what scum like you likes!" Virgil shot back, thrusting and parrying with both swords, still falling back as Remus pressed forward. 

"Scum? Now I know you're trying to get me flustered!" Remus jeered, "A handsome man like you could have me anyway you want!" 

"How about chained to a cannon at the bottom of the ocean?" Virgil scoffed, still backing up. Remus pouted, and with a flick of his wrist, knocked the sword from Virgil's bloody hand, sending it flying. 

"Let's save that for afterwards!" Remus mused, still fighting Virgil and backing him toward a wall while his crew looted the ship. 

"After I kick your ass?" Virgil sneered and finally landed a hit, slicing Remus' long coat. Remus glanced down and grinned. 

"You actually did that!" he cheered, "I could use a guy like you on my crew!" 

"Over my dead body!" Virgil snapped just before his back hit the wall. It didn't take long for Remus to disarm him and tilt his chin up with his blade. 

"Are you sure about that? I could slit your throat right now," he purred and leaned closer, "Or you could join me, make a new life for yourself, stop living like a little princess when you know you're as ruthless as me." 

"I'm not about to be your personal whore." 

"No? Well, I can live with that. I'm offering you a role on the ship. It's your fault I'm shorthanded, and you managed to get a hit on the best swordsman on the seas. I want your skill. Your looks are a bonus." 

"And if I refuse?" 

"It's an offer of a lifetime, you won't. But if you do, I have to kill you. I don't usually let anyone live. I don't usually stand around chatting either." 

"I'm not going anywhere in this stupid dress. Give me five minutes."

"You can have as much time as you need if you tell me your name." 

"Virgil." 

"Go get out of that stupid dress, Virgil, can't have you climbing the mast in a dress!" Remus laughed and lowered his blade.

1 year later…

Remus wandered around the deck, listening to the merry songs the crew played. Some sat and sang along in the twilight, some danced, everyone drank. It was all fun and games for the evening and Remus was more than happy to see it happening. He would have gone and danced, but he was on guard. He knew exactly what would happen if he wasn't careful. Of course, he wasn't going to be too careful.

He gasped when he was gracelessly pinned to the wall outside his quarters. He smiled at the man holding a knife to his throat. A year of working with this whirlwind was more than enough to know that Virgil got a little handsy when drunk.

"Captain," he purred and ran his free hand over Remus' chest. Remus shivered at the touch and bit his lip. 

"Scare Bear, having fun?" 

"It would be more fun with you down there," Virgil hummed and let his fingers trail lower to his abdomen.

"Virgil," he gasped.

"I'm not going any lower. It's no good to aim lower with the knife." 

"Threatening the guy who leads the raids is a terrible idea." 

"You know you love it." 

"Yeah but I'd like it a lot more if you were going to kiss me and have your way with me too," Remus teased. He was surprised to find the knife removed and Virgil's lips on his own. But he was happy to oblige, letting his eyes flutter shut. If only Virgil didn't taste of grog.

"I wanted to do that since you killed old whatshisname!" Remus muttered when Virgil pulled away. 

"Aren't you supposed to take what you want as a pirate?" 

"I have standards, you would have killed me first, and maybe I want you to want me too." 

"It's more than just want." 

"You're drunk." 

"How else do you expect me to say 'I love you' and kiss you? Sober and terrified?" 

"From now on, yes. Sober and terrified, sober pinning me like this, sober and quietly enough for only me to hear. Say it sober so I know it's not the grog talking." 

"I'm not  _ that _ drunk," Virgil pouted and stepped back, "Just enough to fuckin say it." 

"Virgil, tessero, te amo con todo mi corazón," Remus smiled at him. Virgil's eyes welled with tears and he threw the knife down, making it stick to the wooden floor. He pulled Remus into a bone-crushing hug and hid his face in the captain's coat. 

"Thank you for treating me like a man, like a person. I love you so so so so much, Remus!" 

"Virgil, you know that on this ship no one is less than anyone else. You're a person, you're a man, and dammit when you're sober I want you to be mine. Because I'm yours if you want me."

"Kiss me, you bastard!" Virgil huffed and glared up at him. Remus shook his head and kissed his forehead. 

"I'm not gonna give you a single reason to kill me tonight," he giggled at the pout he received and held that feisty fighter close. He was glad Virgil sobered up fast.


	4. Kopi Luwak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 4 - Coffee (Shop)

Virgil was used to strange requests at work. The occasional mocha latte without the espresso drove him up a wall—that's just chocolate milk! Of course nine times out of ten it was just a parent trying to appease their kid, which was something he could understand. There were people who wanted ungodly amounts of espresso in their drinks. There was one time an old man wanted 'just coffee' which would be fine except there were some simple options he could have been a little nicer about—"dark roast or medium roast?—dark roast tastes stronger, that's all—do you want regular, half, or decaf?—Sir, I would rather be sure that I don't give you anything that could cause heart problems—it's a precaution I take with most everyone—Would you like milk?—no sir, if you want I can offer you a pitcher so you can add what you want." 

Difficult people loved the cafe during his shift and he had no idea why. It was quiet for the first time in forever, and he was busy wiping down the equipment when two people came in. One was a regular, and a pain in the ass, Roman, but at least he was patient. The other person looked like him, but with a mustache and a less preppy style. He wasn't half bad. 

"Virgil, my darling storm cloud!" Roman sang as he approached the counter. Virgil forced a smile at the dramatic dork in his stupid Hawaiian shirt and loafers. At least the other guy cringed for the both of them. 

"Hey, Princey, the usual?" Virgil asked hopefully. Roman shook his head, nearly sending Virgil into cardiac arrest. A medium coffee, ⅔ regular, ⅙ half, and two shots of espresso with almond milk and three strong pumps–not two, not four–of caramel, topped with whip, chocolate syrup and caramel sauce. If that specific wasn't what he wanted, it was usually worse!

"I would like it on ice this time. No need to fret," Roman said apologetically. He knew he was needy. 

"Will that be all?" 

"Do you have any cat poop coffee?" the other guy asked loudly. Roman cringed and inched aside. The other guy, who was in a studded vest, neon green Tripp pants, and a spiked collar, moseyed up to the counter and leaned on it, showing off the tentacle tattoo on his arm and his studded bracelet. He was really cute.

"Does this hole in the wall cafe look like it could afford to sell kopi luwak to you?" Virgil asked far too sweetly. 

"No, not really, but they've gotta have some funds to hire a snack like you!" 

"Remus!" Roman yelped, "No flirting with my exhausted friends! Virgil doesn't need your brand of indecency!"

"So that's what this version is called," Virgil grumbled, letting his smile fall. 

"Yup! I'm the sexy version of this loser!" 

"I'm the version Mom loves." 

"Ouch," Virgil winced. 

"She sure does! Who doesn't like having a dog instead of a kid!?" 

"She certainly prefers having a kid to an edgy little bitch!" Roman retorted. Remus flipped him off and turned his attention to Virgil. 

"Since you don't have any kopi luwak, and I doubt you're on the menu, what would you recommend for a trash disaster who needs low caffeine?" he purred and fluttered his lashes. 

"Some kind of herbal tea, iced and sweetened." 

"Sweetened? But you're the kind of eye candy that could rot my teeth! You can have them if you want." 

"Just what I need for my collection," Virgil droned sarcastically, completely dropping his customer service schtick. Roman winced, well aware that the customer service voice was the only thing keeping them safe. 

"You have a collection?! You should definitely show me before dinner!" 

"Are you asking me out?" 

"Yeah! Glad you caught on!" Remus beamed. Roman's face fell. Remus was pushing it and he knew that if his idiot brother kept this up, Virgil would spit in their drinks or worse, mess them up. 

"I'm working, try ordering something instead," Virgil responded with a teasing lilt to his voice that was so slight Roman missed it. 

"Okay, a medium iced tea—your favorite!" 

"So one iced caramel staircase and a medium iced Scary Berry tea with lemonade, sweetened. Anything else?" 

"Your number." 

"Not on the menu." 

"That will be all, Virgil," Roman said hurriedly and paid with a card. Virgil shrugged and motioned to the end of the counter. 

"When you said you wanted coffee, you never told me there'd be a snack behind the counter!" Remus giggled while they waited. 

"I swear if you pissed him off with that stunt and he messed up my coffee because of it, I will kill you." 

"You don't want to go to jail for murder," Remus cooed and batted his lashes. Roman growled and grabbed him by the vest. 

"If you get me kicked out of the only coffee shop in town that manages to get my order right every time, you'll wish it were a simple murder." 

"Iced staircase for the murderous princey," Virgil said and slid him his drink. Roman cautiously took a sip and relaxed. Remus didn't ruin him.

"And an iced Scary Berry for the skunk," Virgil said and slid Remus his drink. It was blood red and bubbling slightly. Remus took it with a bright grin and took a sip. Okay now that was good! 

"Ooh now I know I have to come back! Thanks Scare Bear!" Remus cheered. Virgil leaned over the counter on his forearms and stared at Roman, waiting for something. 

"Oh, right! Thank you Virgil! How could I forget to say that! No matter, farewell!" Roman rambled and dragged his brother out of the shop. Remus could have sworn Virgil winked at him as they left. 

"Where to next?" Remus asked between long sips. Roman shrugged and walked along the main street without much thought. 

"Mom doesn't want us home before dusk. I was thinking about maybe visiting that one store—" 

"With the lingerie and the—?"

"Yes, that store. Patton has a birthday coming up and I thought it would be a good place to find a gift for my sweet kitten." 

"Gross!" Remus laughed and shoved him lightly. He held up his cup and stumbled when Roman shoved him back. 

"Holy shit!" Remus shrieked, causing Roman to spin in a panic. He didn't push him that hard! But Remus wasn't hurt, far from it. He was cradling his cup with glee. 

"What is it?" 

"I got his number! And he drew a scary bear on it!" Remus squealed, "He actually gave me his number!" 

"There's a first time for everything," Roman shrugged, secretly thrilled for his trashy little brother.


	5. Bone Palace Ballet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 5 - Music

It was easy to tell when Virgil was pissed off, and easier to tell why he was pissed off. He liked to use his music as a release. If Deceit was bothering him he would blast "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" by Set it Off. When Logan got under his skin it was "Had Enough" by Breaking Benjamin. Patton getting too overbearing would result in "Let You Down" by Three Days Grace. Roman got special treatment, Evanescence _and_ Bullet for my Valentine—not just one song like the others. Remus was even worse—Silverstein was for when he said something to get under his skin, Parkway Drive was for when he did something to anger Virgil, but not all of that was because Remus did something wrong.

Remus was passing through the commons when the distinct sound of metal screams hit his ears. He winced knowing exactly which song he was hearing and he wondered how he upset his best friend—who he wanted to cuddle and kiss until his lips fell off—leaving a bloody trail.

"Harlot's Web?" He shouted and banged his fist on the door. He could make out two voices screaming beautifully and he tried not to swoon. When Virge didn't miss a beat, Remus composed himself and went inside. 

It was just too adorable for him when he saw Virgil standing in the middle of his room with a brush in his hands and his hair in his face. He was too busy banging his head and screaming his lungs out.

" _My. Heart. Bleeds. No. More! NOW! It's been turned to stone! You're—_ What are you doing in my room!?" Virgil yelped when he noticed Remus staring at him.

"Oh, you know, stalking you, hoping to find you asleep so I can watch you!" Remus teased, bringing a furious blush to Virgil's face. The emo paused his music on his phone and crossed his arms.

"Get out!" 

"Mmm no. I know what Silverstein means so what do I need to do to make it better? I'm down for anything you want! And I mean anything!"

"Leave." 

"I'm sure you can think of something better than that, Scare Bear!" Remus jeered, "At least tell me what I did this time!" 

"Get out of my room and don't call me that!"

"Aw why?" 

"Just don't!" 

"Alright, my tell-tale heart!"

"That's even worse!" 

"My wet nightmare?" 

"No! Nothing that suggests you like me that way!" 

"But how else can I drop hints!?" Remus groaned, "Honestly even when I'm being subtle I'm not subtle! I can't do subtle!" 

"What?" Virgil questioned and dropped his brush. He was staring at Remus in shock. Did the vigilant one seriously not catch on? 

"I like you, Virgil, like, like-like you. I would keep your organs on a shelf instead of selling them or eating them. I didn't think my hints were all that subtle. I want to be your boyfriend and do all the stupid things couples do but with a fun twist! I mean, I want to be your best friend still, even if my feral mojo doesn't work on you! You are a boy and I am a duke, can I make it anymore obvious?!" 

"You coulda maybe said something direct without resorting to Avril," Virgil grumbled and averted his gaze, "I don't do well with hints. I overanalyze." 

"Okay!" Remus beamed, "Virgil I have a major heart boner for you and I want to be all sappy and domestic with you and get in your pants!" 

"And you're sure you're talking to the right guy, right? I'm kinda—me." Virgil said and waved his hands around uncertainly.

"I'm positive! And you can hit me with a lightning bolt to prove it!" Remus answered with a shimmy. Virgil snorted and fought back a smile. 

"You interrupted my jam session to ask me out, you are so lucky I'm saying yes." 

"Really?" 

"On one condition," Virgil smirked, "You have to suffer through the rest of it, without complaining." 

"Scare Bear Scaring Bears," Remus laughed and flopped on the bed, "you say that as if I'm _not_ getting the second best kind of show _and_ a sexy emo boyfriend!" 

"Do I want to know what tops me?" 

"I'm a 'what!'" Remus cheered and winked.

"Only in your dreams, Pup," Virgil scoffed, "You're just a sandwich." 

"A sandwich? I am a snack!" 

"Not what I meant," Virgil jeered and pressed his tongue to his cheek, "You're a sub." Remus beamed and laughed.

"Okay, okay, you got me!" he giggled, "Just jam so I can nut from your voice and get all sappy and lovestruck!" 

Virgil grabbed his phone and switched to a different artist. He grabbed his hair brush from the floor. He would never admit it, but he was keen on performing. Call it being part of Thomas—as long as the audience was small and non-judgemental, namely just Remus.

Remus sat cross-legged and wiggled excitedly. Virgil smirked and held the brush like a microphone, nervous but ready. Then he pressed play

" _I'm right here in front of you and I can't stop sh-sh-shaking! I can't stop sh-sh-shaking! C'mon and hold me still,_ " he sang, tapping his foot in time with the drum as he neared Remus. The duke was vibrating in his seat. 

" _Did my heart love until now? Because I've never seen_ –" he ran his free hand down Remus' cheek, making the duke flush and squirm, "– _beauty til this night! I'm forever, yeah, I'm forever yours!"_ Virgil couldn't fight the grin crossing his face as Remus squirmed like a flustered ferret. 

" _You're wearing your skin like it's too tight_ ," he said with a coy, teasing lilt to his voice. Remus couldn't take it. He was so close, so tantalizingly close and open. 

Remus dragged him down by the jacket and kissed his breath away. And Virge kissed back with just as much longing and need, tangling his hand through Remus' mane and dropping the brush to wrap his arm around the duke's back. 

"I've been wanting to do that for ages," Virgil snickered when they broke apart, "but I was in the middle of something." 

"Yeah, seducing me!" Remus jeered, "Maybe you should skip the jam session and make out with me and cuddle." 

"You know what," Virgil said and paused the music again, "I think that's a damn good idea." He flopped on the bed and dragged Remus down with him. 

As they kissed, Remus couldn't help but take a mental note. When Virgil wanted to think about him in a positive way, the emo would jam to Chiodos. Remus never expected he would want to hear that band all the time now.

  
  



	6. Secrets Shared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 6 - High School

The summer was finally over weather-wise and that meant homecoming was around the corner. Time for school spirit and hype—all the things Virgil loathed. Just because it was his senior year didn't mean he was going to pretend to like his school or go to the dance or the football game. He only decided to go to the game this year because a certain running back was playing and Janus coerced him into going. 

"Jay, I swear to god, if you're just going to lean on the fence and swoon I am leaving," Virgil scoffed at his cousin.

"Mom won't like it if you abandon me with no way home." 

"Your mom doesn't like me anyway, why should I care?" Virgil scoffed and walked away, along the path that circled the field. So what if she didn't like him? She still thought he should be wearing dresses. At least he could get away with a hoodie and jeans without binding and pissing her off. She certainly had him on edge that morning.

"Hey V!" 

Virgil looked over and waved lazily at the cutest little puffball on the team. Patton was a big old teddy bear, but he was hefty and darn good at defense. And he could get away with not sitting with his team because his arm was in a cast.

"Sup Pat?" 

"Oh nothing much, watching the game and Ro. I don't want my date to get hurt!" Patton said, "And he needs both hands if he's gonna ask someone to join us." 

"Jay's over there if you wanna ask him," Virgil shrugged. Patton's face heated up and he chuckled nervously.

"Who said anything about Jay?" he deflected awkwardly.

"I'm not blind," Virgil jeered and crossed his arms. Patton giggled and rubbed his neck. His eyes wandered over the crowd, looking for some kind of escape. And he found it. 

"Hey Remus! What brings you here!?" he shouted and waved at someone behind Virgil. Virgil winced and tried to keep from cringing too much. Remus was Roman's twin, just as beefy, just as handsome, but twice as feral with a full mustache. He had a way of getting under Virgil's skin like nobody else—mainly because he didn't have a stupid crush on anybody else.

"Pattycake!" Remus cheered and ran over, bumping into Virgil to "accidentally" touch his butt. 

"Oopsie! Sorry Elvira!" Remus giggled causing Virgil to fume. 

"So what brings you here? I thought you didn't like watching this stuff." 

"Mom needed the car and I needed to escape the old man's rambling. So I'm here causing problems on purpose!" Remus shrugged, accidentally brushing his arm over Virgil's chest and narrowly missing his nose. 

"Keep it up, there's gonna be a huge problem," Virgil grumbled to himself and shifted away from Remus and his stupid studded leather jacket that definitely didn't look incredible on him.

"I'll catch ya later, Pat," he said and walked away, with purpose. Stupid pretty mustache boy was getting bolder and bolder every day! Virgil did not want to be touched like that, not with the T and not by the infuriating hottie who might actually make him break and go for it before he was ready. It was frustrating.

He walked past the bleachers to the line of trees just out of sight. He was not about to cry because of two touches that might have been accidental. But he was about one more misgendering away from breaking into tears and fighting a bitch. 

"V!" Remus shouted and ran up to him, panting as he caught his breath. Virgil scowled at him and narrowed his eyes to hide his brimming tears. 

"Damn, you are fast, girl!" Remus sighed. He wasn't expecting a solid punch to the jaw, and stumbled back. 

"Don't you dare fucking call me that!" Virgil snapped as the floodgates opened. He stood, ready to fight when Remus recovered. 

"V?" he said softly and rubbed his jaw. 

"You want to cause problems on purpose? Say it again I dare you!" 

"Say what again? 'Damn?'" 

"Call me a girl one more time—see what fucking happens!" Virgil snarled. 

"Wait, hold on, are you telling me you're trans?" Remus asked with some amusement in his voice, amusement on the verge of mocking. Virgil fell to his knees and broke down. He couldn't believe he just outed himself to Remus of all people.

"Ah, shit," Remus gasped and knelt in front of him, "I didn't mean—you don't have to—" he willed his hands to stay in place and let out a sigh. 

"Let's start over, with intros. I'm Remus, my pronouns are they/them and he/him. I'm non binary and I keep it under wraps." He held out his hand and smiled, waiting for some response that wasn't sobbing or a blank stare. 

"Virgil, he/him, boy," Virgil sniffled and shook Remus' hand. 

"So it's 'Virgil' now, I guess Roman can keep a secret!" Remus giggled, not exactly letting go of Virgil's hand, but not trapping him either. 

"Yeah, I guess he can," Virgil said with a bitter laugh. 

"Well he didn't say anything about my crush on you so—oh fuck." 

"What? Seriously, me of all people?" 

"You sound surprised!" Remus pouted and let go of his hand, "Why wouldn't I have a crush on you? You're snarky, witty, fun, cool, and you have such a soft spot under that tough badass exterior! Plus you're scary hot. I really like you a lot and maybe I get desperate for your attention and do something stupid to get you thinking about me. And I just keep hoping it's not too much or too gross or gruesome." 

"Remus?" 

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the dance with me tonight but I don't think you do and I don't blame you. How long have I been misgendering you, Virgil?" 

"A little over a year." 

"That plus having more dick in my personality than my pants? Yeah, that's why I figured it would be a no, if you were going at all." 

"I'm not. I was planning on watching some horror movies since no one is gonna be home. If you want to stop by—" 

"Really?! I would love to!" Remus squealed and lurched forward to hug him, only to freeze midway. 

"I should ask first." 

"Yeah," Virgil winced, "Um, Remus, can I kiss you instead? If that's too much I get it and you can say no and it's not a big deal but if you want to—" 

Remus cut off his rambling with a surprisingly chaste kiss on the lips. Virgil was stunned into silence and his jaw dropped. Remus giggled at him, not in a mocking way. Virgil closed his mouth and smirked, his lips still tingling and his cheeks still burning.

"I asked if I could kiss you, not if you'd kiss me. I'm still waiting for an answer." 

"Oh?" Remus grinned, "You can kiss me. You can kiss me as much as you want whenever you want! If you agree to be my boyfriend, that is." He wiggled his eyebrows and winked.

Virgil grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and dragged him into a much more passionate kiss. Remus couldn't help it if he wrapped his arms around Virgil and pulled him closer. 

"I'll be your boyfriend, if you'll be my—non binary friend?" 

"Datemate!" Remus grinned, "I'll be your datemate!" 

"Good,"—Virgil kissed him again quickly—"now how about we head back and make sure your brother didn't break anything." 

"You got it!" Remus cheered and hoisted him up as he stood. He hugged his boyfriend close and giggled. This was too good to be true! Little did they know it would only get better.


	7. Their Swamp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 7 - Movie Night

"Popcorn incoming!" Remus shouted and flopped on Virgil's bed, holding a large bowl of the stuff. Virgil winced at the few kernels that landed on his bedding but didn't voice any complaint. How could he? Remus was smiling at him, unbound and shirtless, happy and ready for a night of movies, cuddles, and maybe a scuffle.

"So what are we watching?  _ Corpse Bride _ ?  _ Coraline _ ?  _ The Black Cauldron _ ?" Remus asked and cuddled up next to him. Virgil shrugged and pressed play, letting the opening credits roll. 

" _ Shrek _ ?" Remus asked and looked up at his boyfriend. Virgil shrugged, "Why?" 

"A movie about an outcast finding love and friendship without having to change. It's not just a meme." 

"But the meme is fun!" 

"You would know, you gremlin."

"As I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Shrek my soul to keep!" Remus sang and kissed his cheek, "but my butt is reserved!" 

"I mean if I share Shrek with you, sure. But I called dibs, on his, y'know." Virgil countered and shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth. 

"You would bone Shrek!?" Remus laughed and set the popcorn bowl aside. Virgil was not getting out of this one with snacks!

"Yeah," Virgil said as he chewed, "Who wouldn't?" 

"The others, Thomas—no wait, he might since we both would—Picani, the Dragon Witch, Sleep, those Zodiac guys, the Months, the super slow heroes, the—"

"It was a figure of speech, Puppy," Virgil swallowed and cut him off, "But you're right, only morons wouldn't want to have a piece of Shrek." 

"Yeah, I guess they aren't ready to let that ogre into their swamp!" Remus giggled and pulled Virgil into a hug, "This thot knows he wants to get a taste of the green!" 

"I'm lucky I can get a taste of the green whenever I want," Virgil jeered. 

"Oh? Got a Shrek blow-up doll?" Remus teased and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Nah, but I have a replacement who's even better. Green, hot, lovable, loud, gross, and he has a bad rep," Virgil said and playfully shoved him with his shoulder.

"And you're not sharing him with me!?" Remus gasped and threw a hand to his chest like a scandalized Hollywood starlet.

"Cuddlefish," Virgil sighed and shook his head, pulling the duke closer. Remus' face lit up.

"That's okay! I have my own Shrek replacement! He's scary, sarcastic, sexy, witty, and he's got layers!" 

"Sounds like a jerk to me," Virgil jeered. Remus flicked his nose and pulled him into his lap. It was kinda funny to see a hulking sulk happily seated in his smaller boyfriend's lap, but anyone who dared laugh at his Scare Bear would face Remus' wrath.

"He's a big stinky jerk who I jerk off to!" Remus teased and licked his cheek, "My big stinky jerk!" 

"Ew!" Virgil laughed, "TMI Dukey." 

"You brought up Shrek and boning him! Do you really don't expect me to get dirty?" Remus scoffed, "You know me!" 

"Yeah, I do. If I didn't you wouldn't be on my bed watching a dumb movie with me." 

" _ Shrek _ isn't dumb! But I don't mind making out instead!" Remus teased.

"Yeah? Well you should put a shirt on if that's what you want. I plan on sleeping tonight, not going all ogre in your swamp." 

"No!" Remus huffed and stuck out his tongue, "I'm not letting your bootylicious ass go until my legs need to be amputated! Even if we don’t go on that adventure! Free the tiddy, Danny Sidebangs! They’re as wild and free as me and I’m not moving to cover them with a  _ shirt! _ " Virgil sighed and rolled his shoulders. 

"You knew you were going to get this later anyway," he said and shrugged off his hoodie. Remus squeaked when Virge tossed it in his face. Remus pulled it on but didn't zip it up, allowing his chest some breathing room. He hugged Virgil and booped his nose. 

"You're so sweet!" 

"Like the scent of decay?" Virgil teased and kissed his forehead.

"Exactly! This is why you're my Princess Fiona!" 

"Because I can kick your ass and I only get gross as hell around you?" 

"That too!" Remus giggled, "But also because you never expected to fall for me and then look at what happened!" 

"I got with a shrekist instead of a pastafarian," Virgil groaned and rolled his eyes. Remus laughed and held him closer. 

"I would rescue you from a tower and smooch you til you get as nasty as me!" Remus said. Virgil huffed and kissed him sweetly. 

“What makes you think I’m not already, Puppy?”

“Then I guess I’d smooch you til we’re decaying zombies! Unless my lips fall off, then you might be out of luck!” Remus cheered and licked his cheek, “You’d get a lot more tongue then!” 

“You know you give me plenty of tongue as is, you might as well rip it out of your mouth and put a bow on it. But then you wouldn’t have much of a chance to talk, and I kinda like hearing your voice.”

“God, Virge, you know just what to say to make me all soft and gooey! I love you, Scare Bear!”

"I love you too, even if you had me talking through 'All Star,'" Virgil jeered and kissed his forehead again. Remus giggled and nuzzled his shoulder. He could hold off on comparing their relationship to Donkey and Dragon and savor the moment.


	8. The Tales of Rabidosa and Scylla Emerald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Day - Superheroes
> 
> mtf!Remus = Reina  
> ftm!Virgil

Rabidosa crouched on top of some old apartment building, staring off into the city in search of trouble. She was hoping that her patrol would give her something to think about other than her civilian life. Things were icky, and maybe telling Ree the truth about her gender could have gone better. Out of the skin-tight purple costume and mask, covered in black cobwebs, Rabidosa was a guy and Virgil was still getting used to calling himself that out loud. 

“Funny meeting you here!” A familiar voice laughed from behind her–yes her, costume on, she/her, the perfect secret identity–and Rabidosa internally groaned. 

“Scylla,” she huffed and rolled her eyes. She didn’t have to look to see the wily hero dressed up in a green pseudo-leather catsuit with her hair tied up in a partial bun, letting the majority of it fall down her back in eight distinct ringlets. Scylla was always trouble.

“Oh, not even a hello?” she said and sat on the edge of the building next to her partner, “Did your boyfriend do something stupid?”

“What?”

“It’s a little early for you to be out on patrol! Especially without any akumas! What happened?” Scylla questioned and shrugged, wiggling her upper lip in thought, as if she had a mustache under that face sleeve. Rabidosa sighed and sat down, unable to think up a decent excuse. 

“I came out to my girlfriend. And she just stared at me so hopelessly lost and confused.”

“Ace? Aro?”

“I’m a dude. And she’s into girls. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want her to see me as a girl, or to put herself in an uncomfortable position to be with me.” 

“If she really loves you, she’ll support you. My boyfriend stuck with me when I came out as trans, and he’s been the best. I kinda hate that I didn’t give him the right amount of support today when he told me something huge, not bad but bigger than my dick! I finally have my head wrapped around it, but I don’t know where he is or when he’ll get back.”

“You froze up?”

“I know, I never shut up, and I just froze! I was like Hannelore Schmatz, but with less decay. I just need to think of a way to let him know I’m okay with this thing and that I would set fire to the department of records for him if he asked.”

“Do that and I will have to take you down." 

"You can take me anyway you like if he ends it because I am such a herbo!" Scylla giggled, "I didn't even get to ask him what his name is—Can I ask yours?" 

"I didn't tell you my deadname, why would I tell you this one?" Rabidosa scoffed. 

"Because it's not on any records so I can't stalk you and who knows if you'll think a different name works better later. You can say no, I get it." 

"Might as well get used to saying it out loud," Rabidosa sighed and bit her lip, "My name is Virgil." 

"Virgil?" Scylla parroted, "I like it! It's the kind of name I'd love to moan and scream and whisper and sing, Spiderling. If things don't work out between you and your girlfriend and me and my boyfriend look me up! And down! Take in the sights!" 

Rabidosa snorted and shook her head. Scylla Emerald was always good at lightening the mood, just like Reina. It was an odd comfort and maybe, just maybe, she would take Scylla' offer this time. 

"I'll think about it. But for now, since it's quiet, I'm gonna go ahead and try to talk to my girlfriend. I want that relationship to work." 

"Good idea! My boyfriend might be home too!" Scylla laughed and pulled out a mace from thin air. She stood up and spun it over her head and flew off. Rabidosa wished she could move that fast. She shot a web from her wrist and swung off towards home.

.

Virgil got into the bedroom through the window and powered down. The magic that made him a spidery superheroine condensed in a puff of black fog and condensed in a web-shaped necklace hiding under his tee. The purple kwami that came out of it flew off to hide in the closet—Arie wasn't big on speaking, but Virgil didn't care much about that. He wasn't ready for a confrontation but he had to go into the main apartment and talk to her. 

"Scare Bear?" she called to him from the door, "Are you in there?" 

"Yeah," Virgil said, squeaking just a little bit out of nerves, "You can come in." 

The door flew open and before he knew what was happening, Virgil was being crushed against a strong chest and sandwiched between a pair of anime tiddies. Reina was big on physical contact.

"Scare Bear, I'm sorry for freezing up before! I was just surprised and processing it! I don't care what gender you are as long as you're happy as you! I love you so much!"

"Duchess, I love you too but I can't breathe!" Virgil gasped. Reina let go with a giggle and held him at arm's length. Her eyes were so bright, a perfect match for her smile. She wiggled her mustache and brushed his bangs from his face. 

"Do you have a name yet?" she asked, bouncing in place, playing up anime stereotypes.

"My name is Virgil," he sighed and looked at her hopefully. She froze again. 

"Virgil?" she squeaked as it hit her, "I like it. It's the kind of name I'd love to moan and scream and whisper and sing, Spiderling." 

"Scylla Emerald?" Virgil gasped. Reina nodded. 

"Rabidosa?" she squeaked. Virgil nodded and suddenly pulled her into a hug. He wasn't crying, not at all. 

"Virgil?"

"It's been you all along!" he laughed, "Holy shit it's been you kicking ass with me this entire time!" 

"Yeah, I guess it has!" she giggled, "Which means I can flirt with you without any restraint in costume! And I will because, boy, you look damn good in that suit!" 

"Look who's talking!" Virgil laughed, "the person I had a crush on in middle school has always been my partner!" 

"You had a crush on me? Aw babe, that's embarrassing!" 

"We're dating!" 

"I know but I was a mess! More than usual! I was so hot for Rabidosa too! And look at me now! I'm dating you and I've never been happier! Jug can suck it!" 

"Not until I do, Duchess," Virgil jeered, "If I even leave anything to suck." 

"Scare Bear don't tempt me!" Reina warned. Virgil smirked and pulled her into a kiss. 

"Duchess, if you don't want to that's fine but dammit I am so happy right now! You accept me, and you've been there the whole time! Maybe I want to top off all this miraculous stuff with something that's almost always miraculous." 

"Almost?" Ree teased, "You know every time is miraculous! I get to see all of my boyfriend!"

“I’m gonna have to get used to hearing you say that,” Virgil giggled, “but I love it, almost as much as I love you.”

“I love you too, Spiderling!”


End file.
